“Love is our true destiny. We do not find meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another.”
Well we all got married. So I think it’s about time I do another blog about polyamory. We have now officially as a polyamory triad been together seven years. I feel like our wedding snuck up on us so quick but it was the most amazing, glamorous and beautiful day.
Some quick topics I want to touch on is planning a polyamory wedding for three people, why jimmys parents and most of his family didn’t attend the wedding, being in an open polyamory marriage, and being filmed for the media about being poly and what that’s like. I will expand on subjects that get more requested about in future blogs but for the most part wanted to touch on these main points.
Planning the triad wedding
So planning a wedding for three people was a challenge to say the least. We probably planned everything except getting our dresses in about 2 months. We started by posting about the wedding on social media which was crazy because we had like a thousand people saying they wanted to attend. When it comes to paying for the wedding, there are differing views. Back in the day the brides parents were responsible for planning (and paying for) the entire celebration. Today, most people believe the couple should pay for their own wedding—especially if they have lived on their own for some time. Paying for a thousand people to eat drink and be merry on the budget we currently have , just wasn’t possible. So we set up a wedding website for gifts and RSVPs so we could get a more accurate idea of who was actually wanting to attend our special day. Once we had a guest list of about 100 people between the 3 of us we were ready to start locking down vendors.
Jimmys cousin owns holy moly taco truck and did the most beautiful spread of veggies and meats for tacos alongside rice and beans. We went with cupcakes instead of a large cake and ms pinks cupcakes made the most decadent tres leches cupcakes with a squirt tube for milk. Some of my family thought they were medicated until I told them otherwise if I was them I probably wouldn’t assume any different. After all, this was a very different wedding. 420Nurse green MnM made some goodies for the dessert table also including cute bride and groom cake pops complete with 2 brides and one groom in a set.
We ordered most of the decorations on Amazon and otherwise we did a lot of DIY. Jimmy actually built all of our bouquets.
We had to purchase mr & mrs. Decorations in sets of two and then take off the other mr so they’d read mr, mrs, & mrs.
We practiced our dance for a couple months trying to make it perfect and it seemed the day of the stress of the dance just melted off and it came out absolutely perfect.
Mine and chachas parents helped setup the day off because we didn’t arrive til the ceremony started. This is where I regret not having a set wedding planner or main person to help, it’s not the best idea to put that kinda stress on family. All in all it worked out and everything looked great. Chacha and I didn’t let jimmy see the dresses until the day of and I think that made the day really special for him because he was really happy that we did that. It was something special we did just for him. We chose to take some traditional parts of a wedding and twist them into our own. I will probably post a more detailed blog about our polyamory wedding but it really was the most beautiful day of our polyamory relationship.
Despite the family members that did not show up the ones that did really made an impact on our lives. It was truly amazing to see our grandparents there and also to hear mine speak. I really hope some where there’s footage of what they said because it truly was beautiful to hear their acceptance in front of everyone.
Jimmys parents
Leading up to the day of the wedding we started to try to incorporate as much family as we could with the short notice we gave ourselves. When we first went to jimmy’s family as a triad like 7 years ago the response wasn’t so great his mom didn’t want us to be affectionate in front of their family. Understanding our relationship is extremely taboo to some we have always refrained from being out and open in the public especially around kids, family members as a means of respect I suppose. But over time we would get invited maybe once or twice a year for family parties and his parents were nice to the point where we thought things were becoming more accepted. As we got closer to the wedding jimmy’s dad mentioned to leave the mom out of the wedding stuff but instead of taking that as literal as we should’ve, and with everyday drawing closer to, jimmy invited his mom and family and they just were basically insulted by him asking. They did not want anything to do with our ceremony. This was really upsetting because on such an important day all we wanted was for all our family to be there. His parents not attending led to only 2 cousins of his showing up, and since jimmy worked full time with his mom, she also fired him. It hurt a lot and this is the sad part about being out in the open sometimes you don’t get the reaction you wish you did.
Being open vs being open.
It’s safe to say we are still an open polyamory triad even being married. I believe our marriage was a beautiful ceremony for our own acknowledgment but it didn’t really change much. We still have the biggest hearts, and together, we find certain women very sexy and we love to expand our relationship if it feels fitting. Since breaking up with our ex it has been a struggle to find someone who fits right into our puzzle. Our relationship is however still open, to girls. I don’t think its impossible to find more lovers because the world is so big, and if you feel like you’re having a hard time finding more lovers even though you are open, you’re not alone. It can take a long time to find the right person or people! When in doubt, if you’re considering trying a polyamorous relationship, it’s best to go slowly. Make sure you and your partner feel secure in what you’re doing. Make sure you don’t get so carried away that you forget about your partner’s needs. This is a very easy mistake to make, even if you’re watching out for it!
Media
Being open as poly can also mean you are open as a polyamorous person to the public, and if you are , I commend you. I read something online that really stuck to me and it said that hypothetically, if you’re In a room full of poly people, but you’re not ‘open,’ and maybe they aren’t either, you could very well have a connection with one or more of those people but if no one comes out and is open about what they want or how they feel, it will take a long time, or may never play out, and you could live your whole life without telling anyone that you may be poly. I might have re-worded that completely different from how I read it haha but I hope that makes sense. I think being open as a polyamorous person is a huge form of activism this lifestyle needs.
Mainstream media appears to suddenly have an appetite for polyamory. I had alot of people ask me how I felt about being filmed in the media about my relationship and I say “BRING IT ON!”
It seems absurd to have to articulate this but polyamorous folks shouldn’t be lumped in with people who would seek to marry children, animals and (seriously?) inanimate objects. I literally had someone on a friends Facebook page compare our relationship to being in love with a family member. I mean, we were featured on a show called Extreme love. When they arrived for filming the questions for us were standard about our relationship but for my parents, after mentioning their interest in poly , were somewhat invasive questions asking if my parents are poly and how thats going for them. It was a little off putting and uncomfortable as you can imagine being new to just the idea, and then being questioned about it for a tv show type of interview. Titles of our headlines were “polyamorous triad share their unusual love story” “Women claims she inspired her parents to be polyamorous” “I inspired my parents to be poly” “MEET the polyamorous triad who enjoy having three-way sex TOGETHER with plans to get married and have children in the future despite ALL being open to dating OTHER GIRLS.” “Extreme Love stories of weird & wild relationships, proving there is someone for everyone.” Feels kinda like we are portrayed as freaks just because we love each other, but if were not putting our life out there, who’s going to? Thats the main reason we are happy to do it. We hope polyamory can be portrayed alot better in the media. If you go viral, just dont read the comments, haha. As I said in the last paragraph, its important, as long as everyones on the same page, to be open. I do recognize that there are many legitimate reasons to be closeted. The choice to be out is a personal one, and even though I am out myself and I strongly advocate being out whenever possible, I realize that some people do not have an easy way to be up-front about their sexuality.
Thats all I got for now, just thought Id recap since time moves so fast and I wanted to share more thoughts on polyamory. Thanks for reading. More coming soon.
