new years again. !

HI. as you get older, the xmas season loses some of its sparkle and being broke or unemployed makes everything out of reach and makes you feel more like a failure than you already do. I guess new years is the hope you need to feel that things could change. !! I have not driven for many years,more than 7, due to accidents and other things. I need a car so bad now!! THis summer was so fun, as I spent the summer hanging out and working with the nurses, I felt energized and that i was doing something good. I miss that but < I was unfortunately not able to find housing in the valley, I really miss the valley it is my home, growing up there. I guess my life is going somewhere different. I am not sure , I like it but here I am with my elderly parents and my niece who is 8 and needs me! , the reason I have been off social media is that we have a family restraining order on my sis, super fun for the holidays to serve your own sis, but her addictions and lack of wanting help or therapy led my brother in law to leave and my Mom now has custody, I avoided having kids due the the stress, finacial drain and mess. I dont how long I will be here , but long enough to give my neice some big sister advice and hugs, ! it is the best feeling when she hugs back, but i avoided being a parent and being a "resposible" adult. ;lol now here I am. ??? WTF? universe I was enjoying my life as a wanderer, but that was getting old too, it will be good to try some new things. I am passing out cards like candy out here in the hopes of getting a sale. I am wondering if I should do a go fund me for a car??? .Last time i did one on on facebook, a :"friend" of mine who now is gone, roasted me, calling me names and telling me I had to work harder, ( no One knows how hard I work ! In the case of the car, I had 500 and was looking for matching funds, not charity , I even offered to send people toys or a handmade item for their donation, so that has left a big emotional road block, I am pondering doing it again, but the negative comments from that still haunt me. I need a car or I will be back on the streets again, I am waiting for a disabiltiy case, so it is hard for me to even get a new pair of shoes or anything right now . I try to be grateful for what I have , but hard when people spend 7 bucks on a coffee and all you want is to eat for the day, it seems a little harsh. I have been a single women and never was a gold digger,always made my own money !this has been hard for me. I would challenge you all to do something , nice for someone you don't know, maybe buy a hamburger, or give someone bus money ,any little kindness will go around and make someone who is feeling bad , better, see we don't know what or how people are doing unless we ask. I hope the universe and the godess will keep you all safe and sound in the new year, I will find a way to come to some meetings and dont give up on me, I wont give up on you all ! Happy holidays, Message me and join my facebook page angel heartclothing, if you need and ear im here ! i know how it is. ! blessings to you all and many happy green returns.