Late night thoughts

I'm honestly really sad and disappointed in myself again, I let someone in and they broke my heart... I tried really hard to do what I could. I never wanted to make anyone mad or hurt.. it was never excuses.. I wish people understood, I don't have a easy lifestyle, I can't do whatever or go whenever I want, if I could I fucking would've gone and visited my Friends in Humboldt county or gone back to Hawaii to see my dad! I would have done so much more, but cause where I live it's hard... I miss having my friends coming over and just kicking it or some one to go get jamba juice with. I miss having a friend I can call whenever and just talk about nothing for hours... I don't know what I did or what happened to all friends... Even after I moved back here, I really didn't have many friends and I know I have my 420nurses girls but I miss having that one person I could count on.. I honestly feel like I don't have anyone. I spent most of my time, talking to myself sometimes when I have no idea who to talk to... Like now I'm writing you a blog cause I really don't know who to else to talk too. I just want someone to listen and understand.. I wonder to myself if I'm always gonna feel like this... Sorry but I just wanted vent.. have a good night and hopefully everything starts there week off right!