A Mothers Love

I haven't talked much about the incident that happened before Hempcon and I think this is the best time to do so. For those of you who don't know May 4, 2015 my mother passed away. She had a heart attack in her sleep, she went peacefully and that's what gives me comfort. My family and I will be spreading her ashes in the ocean as requested. We have decided to do it in Ventura off of Sea Cliff. I am keeping some of her ashes because I have a few ideas I want to do. I will be putting her in my tattoo, in a pendent, and I want to put her in the soil of my first plant I grow by myself. I am only 23 and my brother is only 16. She will never see my brother graduate, hit the big field, or have children. She will never see me get married, she will never be able to be my agent, and she will never be able to hug us again. But because of a mothers love I can feel her pushing us along the way. She can see, she is watching, and what I should have said was we will never see her see us get married, have kids, be champs, and take on this world. I know I have her support and her guidance I feel her in my heart. I have not stopped yet to really think about it all I love my mom so much I am really going to miss her. She is my best friend and my biggest supporter. I remember just growing up with my mom always being with my mom going everywhere with my mom, we fought as mothers and daughters do but that never changed anything. I do not feel guilt about anything, and i do not feel ashamed. I know no matter what my mother loves me so much, and I love her so much! I am such a mommys little girl it kills me but it also tells me she did her job and now she is needed in places my brother and i can not see. We have to be strong so we can accomplish our goals. I really want to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me. There are no words anyone can say to make the pain go away, however the support is just keeping me strong. I know i am not the only person who is living without a mother, we all do it at some point in our life. 10 out of 10 people who choose life die and that's a fact. I just hope that for those who have experienced this or hasn't but could some day, know the love and support they have. death can be hard, its very complicated, but death does not mean its over. Love is strong its an energy source and can travel very, very far. Most of you don't know this but I was suppose to be born on my mothers birthday, Luckily I was 6 days late. (i wanted my own birthday) She was born Aug 13th which makes us Leos. To have a Lion mother protecting her cub in places that i cannot see i feel blessed. i know i will cry about this a lot and i will miss her around holidaze but she will always be there. I am better at keeping busy and distracting myself anyway. Thank you for letting me share this and i hope you enjoyed it.