on February 12, 2015
You ever wake up one morning and just feel things are changing? You don't know whether its for the better or for the worse. You sit there , in your head , analyzing every event that has lead up to this feeling. And you get no where.
Life is this weird rollercoaster and you have no clue when the next drop , spiral , or turn it will do. They say sit back and enjoy the ride , but how can you enjoy the ride when you're stuck with questions forming and bullshit answers in return. I've been alone for a very long time .. I know people come and go. At age twenty-one all I have is myself , my cat , and the things in my name that I earned. I don't really have a family to turn to when time gets rough. I have to look at myself and know I'm strong enough to handle this. I've dealt with a lot worse than what I'm experiencing at the moment. I honestly have no clue where my head is at. I'm getting comfortable and its easy. Its like home away from home. And the meaning of home doesn't necessarily mean a place. It can be anything and for me its the presence of another human being.
Its strange , to come up from this place where love doesn't truly exists. That people aren't this kind or genuine actually. That they are this selfish monsters only looking out for their selves and don't give a fuck who they hurt in the process. And its pretty fucked up how humans can turn off their emotions and tear the shit out of another. How the hell do you recover from that? You cant regain trust. You have this gut feeling when things get to good that there's something hidden behind his or hers smile. And you're just to afraid find out. I mean shit , it could be nothing and you're just crazy or your gut feeling was actually true. So , to me , that feeling in the beginning where everything's all good and golden isn't worth that pain in the end. I've invested so much energy and myself into people who truly didn't appreciate me.
But , how do you trust this amazing person in front of you looking dead into your eyes and tell you " you can trust me. " Uh , I mean , part of me wants to and then the other is calling bullshit. Nothing should come this easy or this comfortable let alone being able to be yourself around a complete stranger. You don't know everything yet. S/He doesn't know everything about you either. Yet , you still feel like you do know this person. Almost like , this person understands you. Whether, they know how to push your buttons to see a rise in you or just to see you smile and hear your laugh.
Funny things is , I was asked who believes in forever anymore. I tell myself I don't. But, somewhere in me believes it could happen. Then again , someone told me that they truly believe humans are not monogamist creatures. When , I truly believe that you can look , but if you know you have something good , you can be. It's just strange. It doesn't matter if they are young or old , people still play games and abuse the power of love it can have on someone.
Life is this weird rollercoaster and you have no clue when the next drop , spiral , or turn it will do. They say sit back and enjoy the ride , but how can you enjoy the ride when you're stuck with questions forming and bullshit answers in return. I've been alone for a very long time .. I know people come and go. At age twenty-one all I have is myself , my cat , and the things in my name that I earned. I don't really have a family to turn to when time gets rough. I have to look at myself and know I'm strong enough to handle this. I've dealt with a lot worse than what I'm experiencing at the moment. I honestly have no clue where my head is at. I'm getting comfortable and its easy. Its like home away from home. And the meaning of home doesn't necessarily mean a place. It can be anything and for me its the presence of another human being.
Its strange , to come up from this place where love doesn't truly exists. That people aren't this kind or genuine actually. That they are this selfish monsters only looking out for their selves and don't give a fuck who they hurt in the process. And its pretty fucked up how humans can turn off their emotions and tear the shit out of another. How the hell do you recover from that? You cant regain trust. You have this gut feeling when things get to good that there's something hidden behind his or hers smile. And you're just to afraid find out. I mean shit , it could be nothing and you're just crazy or your gut feeling was actually true. So , to me , that feeling in the beginning where everything's all good and golden isn't worth that pain in the end. I've invested so much energy and myself into people who truly didn't appreciate me.
But , how do you trust this amazing person in front of you looking dead into your eyes and tell you " you can trust me. " Uh , I mean , part of me wants to and then the other is calling bullshit. Nothing should come this easy or this comfortable let alone being able to be yourself around a complete stranger. You don't know everything yet. S/He doesn't know everything about you either. Yet , you still feel like you do know this person. Almost like , this person understands you. Whether, they know how to push your buttons to see a rise in you or just to see you smile and hear your laugh.
Funny things is , I was asked who believes in forever anymore. I tell myself I don't. But, somewhere in me believes it could happen. Then again , someone told me that they truly believe humans are not monogamist creatures. When , I truly believe that you can look , but if you know you have something good , you can be. It's just strange. It doesn't matter if they are young or old , people still play games and abuse the power of love it can have on someone.
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