on February 8, 2015
It's funny how you look at time and notice how much of it we really don't have. You never know when it'll be your last breath and if you did , would you be able to leave happy ?
When I ask myself that question , I stop and think. I think about every little hard bump I've ran into to the times I've came out on top. I think about the days I wanted to lay in bed and just sleep my days away , to the best days of my life. Yea , all bullshit aside I wonder why I'm here. What's my purpose here on this beautiful planet. Am I meant to love and be loved in return? Or am I a lonely hustler that won't ever find something real?
It's hard going through so much shit and having a positive attitude at the end of the day , trust me I know. But, if we dwell on the past and the things we cannot change , than we'll be stuck in this sort of " never getting out blood sucking vortex" . Even stressing about what tomorrow shall bring when we aren't even promised seeing it. Last night I almost broke down crying for dealing with complete assholes all week to small things that shouldn't fuck up my day. I won't lie. I shed a few , but sucked it and told myself .. " Alright princess , you've wept about it , now pick that bad ass off the floor and tackle that shit like I know you can. " and went on about my night.
Even just this week I've witness beautiful moments , to moments where it felt like I had death at my fingertips. Been M.I.A from the things that bring me the most joy in life. I seem to forgot that it shouldn't be a rush in life. That we should slow down and breath. Have no thoughts running through our mind. Just being in the present moment.
I had my first actual photo shoot this , and let me tell you , I felt like one bad ass bitch. I felt powerful , free and beautiful. Whens the last time you did something for the first time? I would have never guessed that people would contact me to run some shots with them or never did I have faith in myself that I could be that confident behind a camera.
I've gotten closer to a beautiful human as well this week. Being able to be around someone so comfortably and feel like a second home is truly a blessing. Whether it stays for a week or it sticks around for a life time , I'll never regret any second spent. As the minutes slip away , I've learned and coped things about me and if it hadn't been for this beautiful soul I'd probably still be a mess in my head.
And lastly , 420Nurses and given me a place where I can put my voice , beauty and brains with the most simple plant that brings me the most stress/anxiety free feeling. Even on the shittiest days , taking a dab or hitting the joint brings me to a center that no doctor could prescribe for me.
Being able to finally take some time to get on here and do some work and finish up some things puts me a little more at ease in this chaotic life of mine. In all honesty though , I wouldn't trade a given moment for the dankest nug on the planet.
When I ask myself that question , I stop and think. I think about every little hard bump I've ran into to the times I've came out on top. I think about the days I wanted to lay in bed and just sleep my days away , to the best days of my life. Yea , all bullshit aside I wonder why I'm here. What's my purpose here on this beautiful planet. Am I meant to love and be loved in return? Or am I a lonely hustler that won't ever find something real?
It's hard going through so much shit and having a positive attitude at the end of the day , trust me I know. But, if we dwell on the past and the things we cannot change , than we'll be stuck in this sort of " never getting out blood sucking vortex" . Even stressing about what tomorrow shall bring when we aren't even promised seeing it. Last night I almost broke down crying for dealing with complete assholes all week to small things that shouldn't fuck up my day. I won't lie. I shed a few , but sucked it and told myself .. " Alright princess , you've wept about it , now pick that bad ass off the floor and tackle that shit like I know you can. " and went on about my night.
Even just this week I've witness beautiful moments , to moments where it felt like I had death at my fingertips. Been M.I.A from the things that bring me the most joy in life. I seem to forgot that it shouldn't be a rush in life. That we should slow down and breath. Have no thoughts running through our mind. Just being in the present moment.
I had my first actual photo shoot this , and let me tell you , I felt like one bad ass bitch. I felt powerful , free and beautiful. Whens the last time you did something for the first time? I would have never guessed that people would contact me to run some shots with them or never did I have faith in myself that I could be that confident behind a camera.
I've gotten closer to a beautiful human as well this week. Being able to be around someone so comfortably and feel like a second home is truly a blessing. Whether it stays for a week or it sticks around for a life time , I'll never regret any second spent. As the minutes slip away , I've learned and coped things about me and if it hadn't been for this beautiful soul I'd probably still be a mess in my head.
And lastly , 420Nurses and given me a place where I can put my voice , beauty and brains with the most simple plant that brings me the most stress/anxiety free feeling. Even on the shittiest days , taking a dab or hitting the joint brings me to a center that no doctor could prescribe for me.
Being able to finally take some time to get on here and do some work and finish up some things puts me a little more at ease in this chaotic life of mine. In all honesty though , I wouldn't trade a given moment for the dankest nug on the planet.
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