What Marijuana Means To Me.

So to start; I have smoked marijuana everyday now for the passed nine years. I have never once referred to it as a drug a problem or an addiction. It is my freedom; my medication that has helped me more than any doctor could have prescribed.


At the age of 12 my mother was convinced I was depressed; automatically I was put into cognitive behavioral therapy and given anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. These medications caused me such mental stress I personally believe they pushed me into depression and deepened the place of where my anxiety stemmed from. Not only did they leave me feeling like I was in a fog everyday but at nights I would cry myself to sleep . I never ate after taking the medication. I couldn't. I felt useless and like life had no meaning which resulted in self harm and pill abuse because I was told they would make me better.


Finally after months of combating the vicious cycle of pills, purging, and cutting I flushed the last of the bottle down the toilet and I vowed never again.

Now at this point I had smoked marijuana with friends at the odd house party where their older siblings would be smoking with their friends. Due to my social anxiety I was never the center of attention or the social butterfly I wish I could be like all my friends were in situations like that. But once I was invited to take a puff or a toke, it was like I was a brand new me. My fear of what others thought slowly melted away and the pressure to fit In just left my mind without a trace of ever being there. I could smile and laugh and feel like a real person. Crossing it off as being "fucked up" it wasn't until a few months later I had a friend educate me on the wonders of marijuana.


See her mother was fighting cancer; and I remember asking why her house always reeked of weed even though she wasn't one to smoke it. She told me her mom needed it. When she said "needed" in my mind I assumed "wanted" . Until she went into detail about how after she watched her mom smoke some instead of being stuck in her bed she would want to get up and go sit outside. Instead of closing her eyes as if she was in pain when having a conversation, she would smile and laugh and actually be able to keep the conversation going Instead of trying to ignore the pain. After that day I learned everything it could (based on how advanced the internet was back in the day lol) on the science behind medicinal marijuana.


Now today I am looking back and am proud of how far I have come. I didn't have to be one of those medicated children, who become zombies to the world. I took it upon myself to become educated on what it was that was "wrong" with me and learned that I wasn't the only one. We always have to remember we never are. I started smoking weed in the mornings before school, lunchtime, and at night once I got home from school/work; and honestly I was labelled as a "stoner" or "burnout" by more athletic or preppier kids my first year of highschool. Not that it really bothered me because so many of the "cool kids" would skip class or go on their lunches too to get high; but it bothered me that they didn't know my reason, or any of our reasons behind why we smoked it. Which is why I decided to write this as my first blog.

Everyone has their reasons why they do anything. And when it comes to what you choose to eat or drink no one will bat an eye. But when you choose to smoke your medication as opposed to swallowing it from a doctor it causes a controversy that I have seen families and friends be torn apart by. It is unfortunate, but maybe we can help change these peoples views on marijuana culture. Maybe if people could read this and understand that my even ten years ago at the age of 12 I broke the chokehold prescription medications had me in. Instead I decided to self medicate with a more natural substance that I was in completely control of. Now my social anxiety is next to nothing even if I haven't just recently smoked because I have grown and matured as a pot smoker. I will always be a pot smoker; meaning I prefer peace over war; love over hate; happiness over anything else. And I just believe it's a way to live by. It's having freedom in your life to choose who and what you want to be; and not what others tell you you have to.