on July 3, 2013
Today marks the hardest part of my entire life, last July 4th I had literally just arrived back to the mountain from a trip out to Cali. Just walked into our camper changed into pajamas, and start trimming our mid summer crop, I get a phone call on the house line, it was my sister, she had stated that my good friend since sixth grade, my first boyfriend, my first crush I've ever had, had committed suicide.
The most aweful feeling in my life is knowing that one day I should be expecting it, I knew this was gonna happen. I thought no one could save him. He's been suffering for years. He is in fact the one to "giveaway" to my parents that I was harming myself in 7th grade. He and his best friend had shown up to my house in the middle of summer time wearing long sleeves in black.. Perfect give away right. Myself ending up in strip searches in my kitchen for any cuts, which they found. Sent me away to a safe house. Watching me bathe taking my door off my room for absolute no privacy. Thinking I would stop cutting. Only finally stopping junior year in high school. Still with sudden urges for different pain. Ill never go back just an FYI. Putting a damper on our friendship he carved my name into his arm along with my best friends. Kate on top andi on bottom. I grabbed his wrist putting him in so much pain screaming at him why.. His arm was covered in deep wounds and slashes. Every possibly direction. Like a spider web. I was sent away three days later.
Over the years he didnt change much still very dark, a heavy stoner, occasionally poppin quad stacks in the park with all the old palls. He dropped out of high school for a period of two years. Came up in emotion as a great family, ill call them the happy m's. basically adopted him as their own off the streets. Probably wouldn't of happened if he wasn't a childhood friend. The happy m's did all they could to make sure he was loved in every possible way. Over a period of time he returned back to high school for a period... And decided he couldn't do it. I didnt see him for a while after wards
. A year befor I moved to colorado, oh my god this as a summer. Everybody and I mean everybody we knew growing up. Was there. All poppin bottles back, chugging handles, poppin those quads and running in the sprinklers almost every single night butt naked, running from the police in the river bottom in mobs, loosing sandles belts and jeans in Rutland park. Ill never know... But what I do know.. Is Mario was there every night. His hugs, warm bear like hugs. His laughter his smile. The very first one to offer to run in the sprinklers with me
every time smokin bowls, takin swigs, enjoying the night. Just talking and catching up. Remembering what's good In life. Mostly weed booze and wemon! Lol man this guy has my heart<3
As I was in Cali from 6/26-7/3, I had talked to a few friends learning most had takin their lifestyles to different towns, some staying green, and the ones a truely cared about turned to meth, Mario being one of them. Me being pissed off I said I didn't want to see him. I didnt care what he was doing I didn't want to see him on it I can't. So I left California with the intention of seeing everyone, only seein about a quarter of them:/ got home and got that call.
That moment I dropped the phone, ran to my garden, screamed, cried, asked why, calmed down. Talked to you. Apologized for getting mad.apologized I didn't stop him. And apologized that I didnt see him after I said I would. Sat next to our largest hash plant, seven foot tall four foot wide scrognit project plant, at the time only three foot tall two foot wide and not even reaching its each individual square, Kali mist, Jon's favorite strain.and said over and over again. Ill forever grow for you. Ill forever grow for you.
Ill never let any one I know suffer like he did, I've suffered from depression just about most my life. And I know how harmful it can become. I lost my truest friend, Mario a year ago today, he took his own life because he thought he wasn't loved enough, he took harmful meth to just feel no pain, he harmed himself for years to feel a simple emotion. He never really could. Everyone needs an outlet. Everyone needs to be loved, cherished and cared for. The happy m's tried their hardest for years. He was their son.
No one needs to go through their emotions alone. If you or anybody you know has harmed yourself/themselves. Please know I've been there. Ill help you. Whether it be through medicating or hiking or hanging out ill be there. You are not alone and I will dedicate my whole life to make it easier. I've hid my emotions for years. I still do and i know it's not healthy. So please if you need a place to turn turn to me. Turn to somebody.
Mario negrette, I think about you every single day, and I can never celebrate this day again for what it truely stands for. I will forever celebrate your smile, and your hugs. Ill celebrate the words you once spoke, and the kisses you once gave. Ill celebrate you as a person. Your the anarchy in my life, and I couldn't be happier to have you there.
Rest in peace my one, true. It's been a year since we lost you.
I guess the moral is, everybody is loved. Everybody needs to be loved and everybody wants to love. Simply love<3
The most aweful feeling in my life is knowing that one day I should be expecting it, I knew this was gonna happen. I thought no one could save him. He's been suffering for years. He is in fact the one to "giveaway" to my parents that I was harming myself in 7th grade. He and his best friend had shown up to my house in the middle of summer time wearing long sleeves in black.. Perfect give away right. Myself ending up in strip searches in my kitchen for any cuts, which they found. Sent me away to a safe house. Watching me bathe taking my door off my room for absolute no privacy. Thinking I would stop cutting. Only finally stopping junior year in high school. Still with sudden urges for different pain. Ill never go back just an FYI. Putting a damper on our friendship he carved my name into his arm along with my best friends. Kate on top andi on bottom. I grabbed his wrist putting him in so much pain screaming at him why.. His arm was covered in deep wounds and slashes. Every possibly direction. Like a spider web. I was sent away three days later.
Over the years he didnt change much still very dark, a heavy stoner, occasionally poppin quad stacks in the park with all the old palls. He dropped out of high school for a period of two years. Came up in emotion as a great family, ill call them the happy m's. basically adopted him as their own off the streets. Probably wouldn't of happened if he wasn't a childhood friend. The happy m's did all they could to make sure he was loved in every possible way. Over a period of time he returned back to high school for a period... And decided he couldn't do it. I didnt see him for a while after wards
. A year befor I moved to colorado, oh my god this as a summer. Everybody and I mean everybody we knew growing up. Was there. All poppin bottles back, chugging handles, poppin those quads and running in the sprinklers almost every single night butt naked, running from the police in the river bottom in mobs, loosing sandles belts and jeans in Rutland park. Ill never know... But what I do know.. Is Mario was there every night. His hugs, warm bear like hugs. His laughter his smile. The very first one to offer to run in the sprinklers with me
every time smokin bowls, takin swigs, enjoying the night. Just talking and catching up. Remembering what's good In life. Mostly weed booze and wemon! Lol man this guy has my heart<3
As I was in Cali from 6/26-7/3, I had talked to a few friends learning most had takin their lifestyles to different towns, some staying green, and the ones a truely cared about turned to meth, Mario being one of them. Me being pissed off I said I didn't want to see him. I didnt care what he was doing I didn't want to see him on it I can't. So I left California with the intention of seeing everyone, only seein about a quarter of them:/ got home and got that call.
That moment I dropped the phone, ran to my garden, screamed, cried, asked why, calmed down. Talked to you. Apologized for getting mad.apologized I didn't stop him. And apologized that I didnt see him after I said I would. Sat next to our largest hash plant, seven foot tall four foot wide scrognit project plant, at the time only three foot tall two foot wide and not even reaching its each individual square, Kali mist, Jon's favorite strain.and said over and over again. Ill forever grow for you. Ill forever grow for you.
Ill never let any one I know suffer like he did, I've suffered from depression just about most my life. And I know how harmful it can become. I lost my truest friend, Mario a year ago today, he took his own life because he thought he wasn't loved enough, he took harmful meth to just feel no pain, he harmed himself for years to feel a simple emotion. He never really could. Everyone needs an outlet. Everyone needs to be loved, cherished and cared for. The happy m's tried their hardest for years. He was their son.
No one needs to go through their emotions alone. If you or anybody you know has harmed yourself/themselves. Please know I've been there. Ill help you. Whether it be through medicating or hiking or hanging out ill be there. You are not alone and I will dedicate my whole life to make it easier. I've hid my emotions for years. I still do and i know it's not healthy. So please if you need a place to turn turn to me. Turn to somebody.
Mario negrette, I think about you every single day, and I can never celebrate this day again for what it truely stands for. I will forever celebrate your smile, and your hugs. Ill celebrate the words you once spoke, and the kisses you once gave. Ill celebrate you as a person. Your the anarchy in my life, and I couldn't be happier to have you there.
Rest in peace my one, true. It's been a year since we lost you.
I guess the moral is, everybody is loved. Everybody needs to be loved and everybody wants to love. Simply love<3
2 Liked
2 people like this.
Sponsored
