by on October 22, 2019

First I can't believe it's almost 3 years I'll be a 420 nurse!! I feel so blessed to have found these women, each of them unique in their own way. Each of them have helped me along my journey. Each of them have given me strength. Each of them have given me power. For that I am forever grateful! 

I know I'm loud & very talkative but,  I keep my life to myself.  I don't share my past or let people in the way I should. Some really dark secrets in my past shadows. I don't like to see a remember the memory.. but for me to move forward. I need to forgive my past 1999 was supposed to be my graduating year from high school. I was working really hard to get my credits where they needed to be so I could graduate. but, October 31st A friend came over really late! My best friends little brother. We were going to talk about homecoming & what we were wearing so we would match.  I live right across the street from my high school so we decided to go on a walk we weren't dating just friends. 

The high school was always open so we decided to walk to our lockers. There is a bench in the area where you can sit for lunch so we decided to go over there & talk there's lights on the building & it was really late & I told him. I had to get going but, he begged me to stay out a little longer. So I did! I didn't see the red flags! My warnings weren't going off!  I wasn't in a unsafe place.. I remember before I left the house my mom said it was late!  I shouldn't go but,  I didn't listen to her.  I thought I knew what I was doing that this is a friend of mine nothing bad is going to happen.  

We started kissing and he started rubbing his hands down my back & my hips it felt nice. I didn't mind at first, then he asked if he could unzip my pants a little bit so he could pet. I let him because I thought it was innocent, no big deal. Then he asked if he could pull them down a little more. I reluctantly said yes, because I felt safe.  I figured everything was OK then all of a sudden. I wasn't a virgin so I knew what it felt like but, all of a sudden he was inside of me. I couldn't believe it I pushed him he fell to the ground! I pulled my pants up & ran like hell! To this day I feel like it was my fault, that my mom was right. I shouldn't have left the house. It was late I couldn't believe my Best friends, little brother that I've known since third grade had just raped me! My whole life changed I got really sick I ended up in the doctors office to find out I had HPV that he had infected me with this virus he had crippled what woman right I had to bare children to be a mother. 
20 years I've let this affect me every October that came around. I would pretend it wasn't. I just stayed in my room like a hermit. I blocked out the world but, 3 years ago. I decided to live to enjoy. Every day for what it is. To be happy to move past my hardships in life! I don't know what kind of person I would be without the struggles I had in my life! I think everyone has the right to feel the way they want.  To be the way they want to & act & dress the way they feel without judgment! The society of women I have excepted and most of all see me I'm not invisible anymore! So this Halloween I embraced it for what it is.  I will have fun because, I can I'll be happy! Live my life the way. I want I hope you all join me October 31 My celebratory day! 

Just in case you're wondering. I went to the police. I had a rape kit done it was horrible the things they have to do to get the evidence they need but, because I was already 19 at the time. He was a minor I got charged with raping him! I dropped out of high school. I never did it again I'm facing my fears & it's really because of @chachavavoom and @Summerrain for giving me the tools. I needed & a mirror to see who I really AM! Thank you😘🌹🌹👑👑🎩 #ilove420nurses #Owlways420

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I can’t wait for Halloween so I can make a new memory and forget the old ones