Overload

So I haven't been able to work with the 420Nurses nearly as much as I've been wanting to lately. I had my AV Chapter Poppy Shoot and have been learning how to edit photos. But that had to wait because all of my midterms ended up being the same week and I had no clue til that week. I've been working on photos, trying to meet up with new girls, and getting the AV Chapter really up and running with Mrs Puff N Stuff. Unfortunately life has an unpleasant way of mucking things up. My grandpa's health has been deteriorating the last 6 years, ever since his intestines were tangled up and parts had to be removed. He just had a traumatic event that landed him in the hospital with blood on his brain. I had to go with my family to see him in the hospital in Ventura on Easter and all he wanted was to be at home with his pets, smoking a cigarette, and drinking a cup of coffee. It pained me to see him like that, so frail, so sad, and fighting to get out of the hospital bed. I believe if someone is more than likely going to die, there is no reason to put them in a hospital. Their last memories should not be of doctors rushing towards them, it should be of the life they've helped build for themselves and their family. And so 5 years and 1 day after losing my amazing and beautiful sister, I lost my grandpa. My dad lost his father on his wedding anniversary. I'm not grieving for losing my grandpa given that he and I didn't see eye to eye, he was always the grandparent that you were sent to if you were a problem child. So he was not friendly, or compassionate, we couldn't really speak about much of anything, and he always nagged me about not finishing school yet even though I've always stayed in school. But it sucks for my dad and my mother, what I'm grieving for most is just how they will react to this loss. I never attended a funeral as an intellectual being until my own sister's at the age of 19, then I lost my friend that had the same genetic disease as my sister a year and a half later, then my grandpa's 3rd wife, then my mother's great aunt who was my grandmother in all senses of the word. A family friend also committed suicide after getting back from Afganistan, and then a friend's mother died in the hospital suddenly last year. As well Purple Haze was taken far far too soon. And now my grandpa. It's scary how much death I'm having to get used to. I just know its hard to work, be creative and focus when you can't even control how much you are crying. I wish I could be there at 420Nurses events, I wish I could work with the girls, I wish I could sit in the office and write News articles but its just not possible right now. I hope everyone has a good April, this hasn't been my month for the past 5 years. I just keep trying to make it better by being around good people and surrounding myself with their positivity and understanding. Sometimes all you really need in life is for someone to hold you and let you know they care. Hope to see everyone for a stoney 420